Lily and I are in SWEDEN

July 22, 2022

After 2.5 years, I’m back on Swedish grounds. Last time I was here was in January 2020 when my niece was born, she was only a few days old. Since then we’ve been through a pandemic, I did my last months of the partial molar shitshow, we lived in isolation through a full term pregnancy, we experienced newborn life alone, moved from the north to the south into a house where we’ve had plenty of work done, we’ve seen very few people and done very few things while waiting for the world to look better. Now finally Lily and I traveled to Sweden so that she can meet my side of the family.

4 airports, 3 planes and 2 car rides later, my 1 year old finally met her grandparents that she has only met through video calls a handful of times before. After 20 hours of traveling, we stepped into my parents house in Sweden. Lily was an absolute dream during our trip, couldn’t have wished for a better experience. Neither of us slept much though, Lily only slept for 1-2 hours at a time and I only slept for a couple minutes here and there. After 32 hours I finally fell asleep, Lily slept for 13 hours her first night.

I was hoping for slow days in the beginning so that baby girl and I could settle in and get used to the time difference (7 hours), but we’ve been kinda busy and I’m exhausted hahah. But it’s ok, Lily seems to have adjusted pretty well here and seems comfortable and that’s all that matters to me. I’m still not able to leave her for more than like 30 seconds (except for when she’s sleeping) which makes things a little tricky at times, but she is sleeping at night and has some good naps here and there so I’m overall very happy.

All of us has however ended up with a cold, it’s a real sniffle fest. I was prepared for this to happen, you can only wipe and sanitize surfaces so much and toddlers like to explore so of course there’s a chance that we have caught something on the planes or airports. Or maybe not, maybe we got something from the grocery store here or my niece or sister was already carrying something, you never know, it’s just life. It doesn’t seem to be covid at least which I was nervous about before our trip (my mom had to take two tests this week and both were negative, and I don’t feel bad enough to even take a test), just sniffle sniffle.

We’ve been here for 1.5 week already and we still haven’t gone to the beach. I would have liked to go last weekend but this town had a car event called “Wings and Wheels”, it’s like the biggest two days of the year here. I’ve never gone before and wasn’t interested in going this time either cause I don’t care about cars and I don’t like people:) I happily prioritized my baby’s sleep and stayed home. This event takes over the whole city so to go to the beach was just out of question. And this week we had to wait for a builder to come finish my parents new kitchen plus my mom was home from work a couple of days and on top of that it’s been a heat wave so beaches has been packed, so I haven’t stressed about going, hoping to go maybe on Sunday. It’s not far, maybe 30 min walk or 5 min drive down, just need to time it right (baby’s naps and the sun haha). But my sister and her daughter came over on Tuesday and we went for a walk to a park not far from here, it’s right next door to my old school. They have always had some farm animals here and now it looks a thousand times better, it’s really cute. Lily slept in the stroller while we walked around so we have to go back a different day so that she can see the pigs, goats and chickens. We continued our walk across the river and went to feed ducks. Lily woke up and both girls seemed to have fun. I don’t think Lily really knew what we were doing or understood that it was ducks (which is like her favorite animal) cause they were not yellow like her toys or pictures in her books. But it was a cute experience.

The two girls are so cute together. There’s some jealousy here and there regarding toys and whatnot, they don’t know how to share things yet and Mila doesn’t always remember that Lily is younger and that she doesn’t understand everything, but overall they are good around each other. The very first moment they met they first waved and then gave each other a hug, it was the freaking cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

I’m sure Lily will wake up any minute now so I have to stop writing here. I hope to update more about our Swedish journey later


staying busy, being relaxed

April 19, 2021

The real countdown has begun. 10 days til due, but it can be any day now… or it can be in 2+ weeks, baby decides. I hope baby will come before May but so far it doesn’t really seem like it. Baby has definitely run out of room in there though. I thought baby was moving non-stop before, but that was nothing to what I’m experiencing now, holy moly, kicking all day and all night and now it’s really really big movements. Last night I was in bed at 10pm but awake and baby was so active. Then J came to bed at 11, baby still active and at that point it felt like a golf ball was rolling and bouncing off my ribs like if it was a pinball machine. At 11:50pm I was still awake cause baby was still kicking like crazy. That’s when I put a sleep mediation on in my headphones, no idea when baby stopped moving. In a way, I don’t mind it, I kinda like it, it means that the baby is healthy. Even if some of the punches and kicks are a bit uncomfortable these days (my bladder seems to be a fun toy), this is still something I will miss once baby is out. 

This weekend was once again a good mix of being really busy and relaxing. On Saturday we went for some errands. I should be in complete quarantine now, but oh well. We drove to the Scandinavian Butik. They were very serious about safety there. Only 3 people allowed inside, facemasks had to be worn of course and they wanted us to wear plastic gloves the whole time. I had called before we got there so I knew they had what I wanted. Then a quick stop at the grocery store across the street. At home, I washed some of the new baby gifts that has arrived, J installed a baby monitor and we went for a nice longer walk. 

Safety in our elevator. We want to see more stuff like this! 

Yesterday morning around 9am, J and I drove to Mill River Park in downtown (normally I would walk there but these days it’s better to drive). The trees were still kinda blooming but had already started to shift to green, but we still got some cute last minute maternity photos I think. I’ll show you more another time:)

We came home, had breakfast and then decided to go for a walk. We ended up walking behind a girl from our apartment and forward. All of a sudden we see her legs give up and she falls straight forward. Luckily she caught herself with her hands cause that was a pretty bad fall. Once on the ground she started shaking. I grabbed the leash and J ran up to her and rolled her to her side to check that she was breathing. I told J to stay with her, picked Thor up in my arms and ran inside to the pharmacy (we were right outside RiteAid). I somehow figured they had some sort of medical training in order to work there. The guy didn’t really seem to care but called something out in the speakers. I just left and ran back. Two older people were there now, the woman was on the phone getting an ambulance. J got the girl, probably not older than 15, to sit up but had to hold her so she wouldn’t fall back. Thor was freaking out of course, he reacted to her fall as well. The girl was responsive the whole time but didn’t speak. Soon the ambulance and a firetruck came. I think she said a few words to them. One of the guys asked Jim some questions, they put her in the ambulance and we went for our walk. She seemed to be ok.
If I had been alone and this would have happened, 9 months pregnant and all, I would have of course gone to check on her but then tried to get other peoples attention to help. Also, here in America it is apparently really insanely expensive to call for an ambulance which makes me question myself in emergency situations. I don’t actually know how it is in Sweden, but in my mind, you always call for help and an ambulance will come. But here, you kinda have to be careful cause it can end up being really expensive for the person who needs help. This girl was not at all dying or anything, my guess is that she had some sort of epileptic seizure and then was in complete shock, but I still think it was a good idea to get her an ambulance, what else could any of us do?
I’m just happy that she seemed ok. I hope I see her walking out here again at some point. 

My heart still hurts every time I look at him, he’s just the cutest♥

Our walk was really nice and warm. On our way back from downtown I was however struggling a bit to walk. I woke up with some discomfort in my groins and with the situation with the girl and me picking Thor up and put him down over and over, I guess my body was a bit tired. We sat on the couch to relax once we came home, the boys fell asleep. Then I was up again and was doing stuff around the apartment for several hours. Guess if my groins was tired after all that haha. Finished our weekend with a movie. 

Here in America you get a free breast pump through your insurance. I appreciate that! They are not cheap. My insurance had 10 dif ones to choose from and after some research I picked this one. I read that in Sweden you have to buy your own or you can rent one from the pharmacy. 

Baby is the size of Thor

April 15, 2021

Every Thursday when I wake up I check the different baby apps on my phone (I have a few). Today one of my apps said that “Lilliput” is about the size of a pomeranian. Hopefully baby isn’t as fluffy as Thor but just as cute♥

We’ve had some nice and warmer days this week, today is a bit gray and it might rain though. Outside our apartment they are setting up to film a movie. Haven’t had that since we lived on Manhattan. A couple of weeks ago I saw a job listing online that they were looking for artists in Stamford. Since I’m pregnant I didn’t care to apply for anything. I might however walk past the set later to check it out. Maybe I spot some movie stars:)

The cherry trees and all the other trees are finally blossoming. I’ve been waiting and waiting. Hopefully the rain won’t destroy them for the next couple of days, I have a dress that I would like to take some cute last maternity photos with by the beautiful trees. 

I have asked Jim to take me (and Thor) for evening walks now every day leading up to birth haha. I can of course walk by myself but it’s just better to have him with me in case something happens:)
Plus it’s a nice family activity before Lilliput is here

Yesterday I saw my doctor again (I’m 38 weeks today). Bump measures good, heart beat was 155 which is good, but no signs of labor yet but that’s ok, I have a couple more weeks til due date. But in the end it’s up to baby when she/he wants to come out. I’m hoping to have the baby in April cause I really don’t want to be induced, but we’ll see. Baby decides. 

I always sit in the back going to places cause T isn’t exactly calm then
But going home from somewhere he is super happy and calm so I sit in the frontAnd he sits on bumpie 😀

Our weekend, April 10-11

April 12, 2021

Happy Monday! Hope you had a good weekend! We had a lovely weekend mixed of both relaxing to the max and being really busy. 

On Saturday after our morning coffee I suddenly felt really tired and out of energy. It’s weird how when I don’t sleep that well I have tons of energy all day every day and after I’ve had a really good night sleep, like Saturday, I’m exhausted. In an attempt to give myself some energy, the three of us went for a walk. Walked around downtown and I was soooo jealous of everyone enjoying their brunch on the outdoor seatings. The image I had back in 2018 of me being pregnant included brunches, dinners and coffee breaks both indoors and outdoors with hubby and friends feeling all cute in my big belly. The few times we have been eating at places during this pregnancy (like on our babymoon) I’m not particularly very relaxed cause I keep thinking about having to sanitize my hands and put my mask on whenever someone else is coming near me. But my new wish is that before we leave Stamford this summer I might have got the vaccine and we can sit outside to brunch somewhere with the stroller next to us. I would love to stroll around Central Park as well one more time before we leave:) 

When we came back home the weather was really nice, so we decided to spend the afternoon on our terrace in the sun. A bit cloudy and colder wind, but the 18°c felt amazing, I’ve been waiting for this! We both got a little tan. We watched a movie in the evening and that’s really all that we did this day. We got nothing important done other than relax and enjoy each others company, which in a way is more important than anything else really. 

I don’t have much clothes that fits me anymore, I’ve been living in this sweater haha

On Sunday at 8 am,  I woke up by a kiss on my cheek and J told me there’s breakfast. He and T had went to get coffee and a tuna bagel for me. Just the best way to wake up:) Around 10 we both got off our butts and started to do stuff around the apartment. I gave J some tasks here and there (like vacuum, clean the bathtub, take recycle out and go through a box of computer stuff) while I went through the boxes in the storage room. My original wish when we still lived in NYC was that we will get rid of basically everything we own when leaving the north, but I’ve realized it’s stupid to get rid of all of it, I don’t feel like spending that money again, plus the things we have is stuff we like. And then I have soooo many books which is very hard to pack. Movers usually don’t seem to like moving tiny boxes but to fill big boxes with books is just not ideal since it’s so heavy. What is the smartest way?
After lunch, we sat down to do some tasks together, like make two playlists for the labor. One is filled with ambient calm music and one has more fun and pop’y music in case I feel that I need that:) Then we watched the Sox game and I finished making my very first crochet bunny that I have been making for “Lilliput”. It’s not perfect in any way but I am pretty proud of myself, it’s very cute. I do think the black nose and eyes kinda destroyed it though, it’s a bit harsh. I wanted to leave it with no face but that could also be a little creepy. Eh, whatever. It was fun to make so who knows maybe I’ll make more:)
After the game ended we listened to a hypnobirthing track together, it’s kinda like a meditation practice to prep yourself for giving birth. Jim fell asleep though haha. And then we didn’t do much, I watched some reality show and stretched my body and J played games on his computer. 

My idea was to hang it on the stroller bassinet for the baby to look at but I don’t have a good clip for it.
Any ideas?Thor got a haircut last week, he’s so cute

I have started to feel like a ticking 💣 now. I have no signs of being close to the birthday of my little love but I know it can change exactly whenever from now on. So this week and all the upcoming weeks I’m just gonna take each day as it comes. Preferably she/he will stay in there for a few more weeks, but we’ll see:)

Our Easter Weekend

April 5, 2021

Hope you had a nice Easter weekend! I feel like we didn’t do anything these three days, but we definitely did. We have actually been pretty busy 😀

Since Jim was off work on Friday we could sleep in for a little bit (meaning; get up at 8 haha). He went to buy coffees and once we were done with breakfast we emptied the last bit of our four bookcases, moved them all to the living room where I wiped them off a bit.

The view I wake up to in the morning

At 1 pm, J and T dropped me off at the hospital for my ultrasound. If you wonder why I have so many it’s because of my partial molar history, they want to make sure there’s no weird growth and stuff (other women only have two ultrasounds throughout their entire pregnancy – at week 13 and week 20). So far so good. It was a man that I have never met before. He moved my chair so flat I could barely see the screen, and he talked and talked, I know his whole life story now, felt like I was there for three hours hahah.
At this point it is very hard to see baby on the screen though. He had to pull on my stomach to even reach babys head that is so far down in my crotch now, but he got some measurements at least. Then he moved around on the belly and I have no idea what we were looking at. He turned the 3D on and all I could see on the screen was an upside down heart, like one that you draw (not a human heart). It took me a good minute to realize that I was looking at my babys face and a hand that was covering half of it, that “heart” was babys nose. And a nose is basically the only thing you can see on the baby. These 3D pictures are so creepy and kinda makes me scared that the baby will come out looking that ugly. Neither of us have that ginormous nose, that doesn’t really look like our child. But we’ll see I guess. Baby is within the 50th percentile so that sounds great. The pounds seems a bit heavier than he/she “should” be but like I said, it’s hard to measure anything at 36 weeks when the head is so far down and the body is hiding behind an anterior placenta.

Once we were back home we only got to sit down to have the last pieces of cake and then we had to get up again. The people that bought our bookcase a week ago were coming to buy and pick up the last four bookcases. Our apartment looks so different now. And the whole upstairs is just a mess with boxes and crap. In the evening I cooked us dinner (meaning; heated some dal and cut pieces of bread hahahhah) and we watched some robot movie. 

On Saturday we started our morning the same way we always do, with coffees on the couch listening to music. Around 11, J and I drove to Target to return an item that had arrived damaged and then we ran around the store and picked up some last minute things for the baby. It was probably the fasted shopping anyone has ever done at Target in the history haha. 
Back home, J tested all the baby gadgets and I did laundry and organized things in the bedroom. Then we went upstairs to tackle the storage room. We have so many empty boxes that has just been taking up space over the years but we need them now when we pack the things that came in those boxes. I feel like we did a lot but you can see no change upstairs haha. Then I filled out the beginning of the baby book that is coming with us to the hospital, made tacos and then we watched the TV show Mindhunter and college basketball. 

Bumpie has really dropped now!
I’ve been told that people don’t know that I am pregnant
until I turn around and they see the belly which goes straight out

Sunday started with coffee of course. And then we drove north to Sherwood Island park. Was a bit cold and cloudy when we got there but once the sun came out it was lovely. We came home and J went to grill lambchops. Then we went to the terrace and sat in the sun for an hour. Both our faces were pink after that. Such a lovely day!

Then we moved stuff around in the “nursery” to be able to plug in the baby gadgets behind the dressers. We also put up a picture frame on the wall which might seem silly since everything else in the apartment is going into boxes, but I want it to look cute for the time we are still living here. I will only have this baby once and I want at least the “nursery” to look good.

In the evening we watched the tv show and then the White Sox game. Pretty simple day. I had tons of stuff on my todo for the weekend but my body is getting tired quicker these days. Or not tired really, it’s more like it gives up, protests and doesn’t want to do stuff even if I have energy for it. It’s frustrating but I also listen to my body. 

This morning I have done two loads of laundry…or…no.. I have done one load of laundry twice. This stupid washer is driving me nuts. I often have to wash everything two-three times before everything is wet, and I don’t even do full loads these days since I know it wont work. Very annoying. And I have five more loads to do today which will turn into at least 10 (with a functioning washer it would be three loads in total). I can’t wait to move and then I hopefully will never have to deal with cheap GE appliances again (all of the appliances in this apartment has issues and they are all GE). The weather is amazing so I will definitely try to enjoy it as much as I can today as well.

Have a wonderful week!