In Partial Molar Pregnancy

up and down and up and down

Author Fanny SuraPosted on Leave a comment
Email to someoneShare on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

August 22, 2019

Good Morning! This week is passing by quickly. On Monday I had my second acupuncture. She put a few more needles in, I think maybe 4-5 on each leg, maybe 6 on my stomach and two ear seeds in each ear (she left two for me to take off the next day). She told me she is going to “treat” me for fertility related issues cause there is of course no specific things to do for hcg levels. So she put needles in kidney points, spleen points and the reproductive system or something like that. I was left alone for awhile in the dark and in the end I was so calm and relaxed I couldn’t move haha. This woman is so sweet too, we talked about our countries (she’s from Iran) a lot and I feel very comfortable with her. You never know with people you meet and have to be close to, like doctors and masseuses, but so far through this pmp story I’ve had people around me that I can honestly say I’m comfortable with.
On Tuesday I had my blood test and on Wednesday I was waiting and waiting for the phone call from my doctor. I was nervous last week cause I somehow expected good news, this week I was even more nervous since my level had gone up last time and I was afraid that she would tell me it was up more and I need chemo. I held my breath when she called. When she said it was down one number again I was kinda chocked but happy. Ok, so what now? Well, I’ll have another blood test on Tuesday and we will go from there. She told me the best news so far “Soon we will have you start going in for monthly tests, you are not going to have to do weekly forever”. Aahh, I really didn’t expect her to tell me that but I think maybe they have started to realize that my natural hcg level is higher (most people have 0 but not everyone) and it maybe won’t go down all the way, or, I don’t know. There is no way to know what my natural level is since I have never tested it before I got pregnant (like, why would I?). I have had same numbers since April which is extremely rare.
I have acupuncture again on Monday, test on Tuesday and then I’m going to be even more nervous if that’s even possible to hear my result. 

In Brain Dump, Partial Molar Pregnancy

I surrender

Author Fanny SuraPosted on Leave a comment
Email to someoneShare on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

August 19, 2019

We had a fantastic 6 year anniversary weekend. On Saturday we worked out, sat in the sun on the terrace, went for a sushi dinner and then watched Svengoolie at night. Yesterday we spent some time at the beach and then dealt with our storage upstairs, haha, very romantic I know, but it felt perfect. Can’t believe it’s been 6 years already though. It means it’s almost 8 years since I came back to NYC and started dating Jim after a summer in Sweden and almost moving to Austria. Time really is flying by in front of our eyes. 

How you like my blue light glasses? 🙂

Anyway, I thought I had posted an update on my PMP story here, but I guess I only posted on instagram (@fannysura). So, I told you that I did a 72 hour water fasting in hopes that it would reset my blood cells. My level went down only one number after that, but I thought that maybe it takes awhile for my body to react to the fasting. The following week I went for my first acupuncture hoping that will speed things up as well. On Wednesday I was so nervous for the call from my doctor. I had such a good feeling about it all week and somehow expected great news. Well…my level went back up one number again. Since it was just one number and my level seems to fluctuate my doctor didn’t want to worry about it yet. So tomorrow I have another weekly blood test. Hearing that my level went up crushed me. That means that my brutal 3 day fasting didn’t work, and it also means that there is really nothing I can do about this. 

My dear friend messaged me then and said that the hardest thing can be to do nothing and just surrender. I thought I “tried” that before (as in one of the things I’ve tried to fix this), like in May when I had no choice but to get chemo, but now it really hit me. To surrender makes sense to me now, it probably didn’t before. I’m the kind of person who wants to fix everything on my own, but it clearly doesn’t work in this case, so I have to give in, let it sort itself out and just trust that it will be ok. Damn, that is hard to do, but I really feel it now, I’m not giving up, I just have to surrender. I spent a few hours at her place on Friday and I thanked her for those words. 

I have an appointment with the acupuncturist later today, I will continue with that cause even if it won’t help my PMP story, it can at least do other wonders in my body and mind. And then I will just focus on myself and other things, bury the whole baby thing deep in the dirt and we’ll see if we dig it up in the future. It hurts to say that but it seems like that’s what I’m supposed to do now. There’s nothing I can do about it now anyway. And to make that decision feels like a giant rock fell off my chest. It left scars but I know they can heal. 

In Stamford

baby snuggles and a chipmunk

Author Fanny SuraPosted on Leave a comment
Email to someoneShare on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

August 13, 2019

Hope you’re having a fantastic day! I woke up around 5 and couldn’t fall back to sleep so I’ve been a bit tired all day, but that’s ok. I had my blood test done in the morning, I really hope for some great answers tomorrow. For the past two tests I’ve been kinda more excited to hear what my doctor will tell me…or, excited might not be the right word, but now I have really tried something on my own that can help me get my level down so I’m of course curious if it helped. Didn’t see much better result last week so I’m really hoping for better news now. 

So, what did we do this weekend? On Friday we took Thor to the vet for his annual checkup and to get some shots. He was such a brave boy, very proud of him. And he’s a healthy boy. He has gained some weight just like his momma but he’s still tiny. J and I went to have a quick dinner out and then spent the night at home with T and watched the movie There will be Blood. On Saturday we had our normal donut delight coffee, took T for a long walk and then we went to the gym for an hour. When we came back Thor looked like a completely different dog, he was all puffy. We called the vet immediately who told us to send a picture of him. Seems to have been an allergic reaction to the shots from Friday. He has had these shots before and never reacted. I thought at first he had got bitten by something outside cause he did scratch his face a bit when we were out. Jim gave him a tiny bit of benadryl (allergy pill) and then we kept an eye on him for a few hours. Aww, my baby, he looked like a chipmunk, or at least half his face did. But he didn’t seem bothered and was happy so not too much to worry about.

He doesn’t look as bad on picture like he did irl. He was very very swollen

Later in the evening he looked so much better. We gave him a tiny bit more benadryl. We decided he was fine to be left alone so we took a taxi over to our friends house. We ordered pizza and had a real good time. The boys sat on the balcony for some of the time while us ladies snuggled baby George. He’s two weeks old now and so small and cute.

J bought the Google Pixel3 phone last week so we tested some selfie option:)

On Sunday we took it pretty easy. Still kept an eye on T who’s face was back to normal. J and I went to this Mexican place with good rating for lunch and it was really good! We sat on our terrace for awhile and then we went for a walk over to Mill River Park for Paws & Pints. That was not really what we expected. Sometimes they have these events in the park with food trucks and drinks and usually it’s a nice setup. But this thing meant “bring your dog to the park, get charged to register your dog to be allowed to walk in the Stamford parks or get fined a much larger sum of money later, buy a drink and stand in the fenced in dog area and look at your sweaty pups”. Thor was actually being a really nice boy in the park, proud of him, he had a good time. You never know with him so we always have to watch him. Eventually we took our drinks and walked around in the rest of the park instead. Back home we were too tired to do anything so we just hung out and did basically nothing for the rest of the day. 

In Partial Molar Pregnancy

First time acupuncture

Author Fanny SuraPosted on Leave a comment
Email to someoneShare on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on Twitter

August 12, 2019

I had my very first acupuncture appointment ever earlier today📍 I’ve been told it can help and at this point I’m trying everything that can possibly work cause I want to be done with this now. A woman I’ve been writing with online who is going through similar told me that when her chemo didn’t work fast enough she started with acupunctur and her level went down to 0. So, I thought it could be worth trying, worst case that can happen is that it doesn’t work.
I met a sweet woman who took my case very seriously. After talking for awhile she put 8 needles into different body parts. She wanted to go easy on me since it was my very first time. I was left alone in the dark for twenty minutes and I felt so relaxed, I almost fell asleep haha. When I was done she left a small piece in each ear and told me to leave it there til tomorrow. I wasn’t sure why but I trust her:) I googled earlier and it’s called “ear seeds”. The placement of the pieces I have seems to do many different good things.
Tomorrow morning I have my weekly blood test. Every week is the same, I never know what to expect..has my level gone down, up or stayed the same🤷🏼‍♀️ I hope and want to believe that acupuncture can help me.
And this weekend I pulled a tarot card that told me to have faith and I can expect a miracle. That sounds good to me:)