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March 3, 2021

Please keep our boy in your thoughts today💙🐾
Thor is currently having surgery for his bladder stones. Before hubby took him to the vet this morning I hugged my boy and gave him a million kisses.
And I cried.
Mostly because I’m 7 months pregnant and can’t control my emotions. Because I know he’ll be fine. He has to be, I refuse to believe anything else💕
When they had left I noticed that I had put my clothes on backwards haha, I guess I was nervous. And then I cleaned Thor’s area under the stairs. I want him to come home to a clean bed and vacuumed space. We are hopefully going to pick him up later this afternoon and I want the apartment to be recovery friendly. He might have some accidents here and there and I know from before that if Thor is in any discomfort he like to walk around and find new sleeping spots so I will make sure he is comfortable everywhere in a clean living room.
So this afternoon will be completely dedicated to care for my fur baby. I needs and deserve all the love there is💙💙💙

Hahaha, Thor has so many toys, he’s so spoiled 😀
He likes to switch btw sleeping in his carrier and in his bed, so we have both out for him

February 19, 2021

Jim took Thor to the vet this morning for new x-rays, I stayed at home cause it’s just easier for T in the car. We didn’t get the greatest news. He had x-rays done before Christmas and it seemed promising but now I guess it hasn’t changed or has even got worse. So he needs surgery after all:( There were apparently some larger stones in his bladder now J said so we want to do this surgery soon so we don’t have to go to in for an emergency (plus he has been dealing with this for almost a year now). He’s scheduled for March 3rd. My poor baby, my heart is broken. But these operations are not uncommon on dogs so I know he’ll be fine, but of course it’s still scary, he’s so little. 
Another sad news was that he has to continue with his current diet for the rest of his life and he hates this food plus he doesn’t get any treats. I feel so bad for him. 
Everywhere we read about how to prepare your dog for a baby it says to lessen the snuggles and attention because there will automatically be less of it from when baby arrives, but right now I just want to smother him with cuddles and kisses. He deserves all the love there is♥

We were out playing in the snow earlier today

January 14, 2021

When I was 19w4d

Going back a little in time now because there is something I’d like to mention about my pregnancy in case someone else has to go through the same thing. 

This is a long story and has some personal details  🙂

My first trimester wasn’t exactly easy. Or, well, my body felt overall pretty good, just like my last pregnancy. I’ve never experienced any morning (or all day) sickness (ya I feel lucky!) and I can’t really complain. But, I was however experiencing bleeding this time and we all know that blood during pregnancy is quite scary. 

In the end of week five I noticed brown spotting. Didn’t think much about it, I know it can happen, implantation bleeding isn’t unusual. But then it turned into red drops, back aches and pain in my belly. I was convinced that it was the beginning of a miscarriage. Because of my partial molar history I got to see my doctor right away. She confirmed the pregnancy, didn’t seem worried but still sent me off to get an ultrasound the next day. I saw a specialist at the radiology, he confirmed that there was a baby with a strong heartbeat (which isn’t always the case that early on), he found no cysts or tumors, no bleeding, everything looked good. A couple of days later the spotting stopped.

Following week, I started spotting again. The next day (7w1d) as my husband went to get the delivery pizza, I suddenly felt really dizzy, I was freezing, sweating and my body started to shake. I grabbed my water bottle and sat down on the kitchen floor, J walked in with food. I quickly grabbed a slice since I thought maybe I just need to eat something. I felt better almost immediately. As I got up to grab one last slice, it felt like I peed my pants. I went into the bathroom and there was a flood of blood (it ruined my jeans). Since it was Friday and I knew the clinic would close soon I decided to call. Since I was no longer dizzy and the bleeding had stopped she decided to schedule me in to see my doctor and do an ultrasound on Monday. If something would happen again, she told me to go to the ER and contact the on-call doctor. 
Spotting continued but I didn’t think much about it. But then, in the afternoon the next day I went to the bathroom and as I flushed I noticed a larger piece of what could be tissue. I was confused at first, how did I not notice that? I told J and he told me that I now had to keep my appointment on Monday (I wasn’t sure I should go since I felt fine). All weekend I prepared myself for the news that I had maybe flushed my baby, that I was no longer pregnant, or that they would tell me that there is a baby but no heartbeat. I accepted another miscarriage. Surprisingly, I was very calm. Sad of course, but calm throughout the whole weekend. 

Monday, my doctor came in with a big smile, I told her everything and her face kinda changed. She didn’t really say anything, just said we should see what the ultrasound shows. 
My doctor came with me to the ultrasound room and I swear, barely 5 seconds after the lady had put the stick in (transvaginal) both ladies screamed right out “There’s a heartbeat!!” I was kinda in shock of what was going on. My doctor is too cute, she threw herself on the walls in this tiny room and yelled out “God is good!” She then grabbed my hand and said “I’ve been praying for you Fanny. And when you said you had passed tissue I tried to keep a neutral face cause you seemed so positive. But there is a heartbeat! God is good!”. 

But, there was a bubble on the screen. They told me that it was a subchorionic hematoma (SCH). I was told to refrain from activities like working out until my next appointment in two weeks, possibly longer. For someone who loves to move her body every day to be put on a pelvic rest, that really sucks. Happy that the baby was fine of course, but no dance, pilates or yoga for awhile, I was sad. But my body and baby comes first, I listened of course. I now went from being a higher risk patient (due to my PMP) to a high risk patient. 
The spotting had stopped once I came back home from the doctors. But the very next day, a sneeze caused me to bleed again and I felt back and stomach pain. That’s when I decided to put myself on a semi bed rest.
Guess if I was bored. 

In a way it was good to be forced to rest cause this pregnancy made me extremely tired (that was like the only pregnancy symptom I had). Like, insanely tired. I took 3-4 naps a day for maybe an hour or two each time, so it didn’t change too much. Working out would have helped gaining some energy but oh well. I drank plenty of water and changed from sleeping in bed to sleeping on the couch and then back to bed again. I did not lift anything, not even Thor, my husband had to help me with everything. I sometimes went for slower walks in the afternoon together with J and T, but that was about all the activity I did. 

Two weeks later (9w4d) I came in for another ultrasound. The subchorionic had healed! She told me that mine had been of a decent size so the fact that it was completely gone after only two weeks was incredible. I’m so grateful for my body! Then the doctor told me to continue to refrain from activity until the second trimester:( I listened, kinda. A few times over the next weeks I did prenatal restorative beginner third trimester yoga. It was so freaking slow and boring. Since I didn’t know how much my body could take I even modified every pose which basically meant that I was not moving at all, I probably moved more just by lying on the couch haha. But at least it was something, if not much for the body it was definitely work for the mind. 

So, what is this? “A subchorionic bleed (also known as a subchorionic hematoma) is the accumulation of blood between the uterine lining and the chorion (the outer fetal membrane, next to the uterus) or under the placenta itself. It can cause light to heavy spotting or bleeding, but it may not.” (google)
To hear you have a subchorionic bleeding in the first trimester probably means that it will heal on it’s on as long as you follow doctors orders of a pelvic rest (depending on a few things of course). If this happens later in the pregnancy it can have bigger complications. When you google about this (which btw noone should cause articles and info will worry the crap out of you) it says “it occurs in about 3.1% of all pregnancies, it is the most common sonographic abnormality and the most common cause of first trimester bleeding”, it also says that in worst case it can lead to miscarriage, you can also end up bleeding throughout your whole pregnancy and depending on size you might need medication, and you’ll be put on either pelvic or full bed rest, you can also end up having to have a cesarean section, in some cases it can affect the baby and sometimes it can lead to a premature birth. But! it can also heal itself and you end up having a perfect pregnancy, especially if you get it in the first trimester, I think. If you get it in 2nd or 3rd there might be more risks. Some women don’t even know they have this since not everybody bleed, it is only detected on an ultrasound. In some cases you can end up having more than one throughout your pregnancy, so just because mine healed doesn’t mean I can’t get one again. But, hopefully not and it’s definitely not something I’m walking around being worried about. I do however still always look in my underwear and into the toilet bowl whenever I go to the bathroom just to make sure there’s no blood, a habit I’ll probably have during the whole pregnancy. 

This was definitely a scary time, and also a very boring time. But when we got to see that the baby was healthy on the ultrasound in week 13 I felt that I could start working out slowly again, the doctor there said it was fine. She did however tell me then that my placenta was lying really low and anterior so I might experience some spotting because of that. So, I of course took it really really slow to build muscles back, I really listened to my body in order to get into my normal training. I did not experience any spotting and the placenta had moved up by time I had the anatomy scan in week 19. I’ve done yoga, pilates, ballet and gone for faster walks since my last scan and my body feels amazing now. 

6 weeks 6 days, two days before the blood fest
Follow up ultrasound at 9w4d – when the subchorionic was gone
I’m so happy that J could come with me for the 13 weeks scan (the only time he’s been allowed)
Modified and supported gentle restorative yoga to slowly get back to my old self

January 7, 2021

My biggest hope is of course to have a healthy baby and I hope that if I do my very best I will be a good mother to our “Lilliput”💗
I also hope that Thor has a better year than the last. He had a ruff 2020 with way too many issues and vet visits. We want a happy healthy puppy this year.
My biggest dream of the year I guess is that the pup and the baby will become friends.
Still dreaming of getting a forever home somewhere warmer.
Overall for 2021, I’d like to stay calm with a positive mind, make sure I have time for my daily practices and get as much snuggle time as possible with the three loves of my life🥰

January 6, 2020

2020 was a challenging year for us all. For my husband and myself it mostly just meant that we can’t go out to eat or travel like before, but staying at home hasn’t been too hard for us, we love being home and being just the two of us.

But it was a ruff year for Thor. Poor thing, he went through so much. In February we took him to a new groomer who misunderstood us and he ended up more or less shaved. Pomeranians are not supposed to have short haircuts like that, it ruins their undercoat and Thor lost his black hair color (slowly coming back now). In the beginning of April, he got bladder stones. Luckily he didn’t need surgery, just needed to put him on special food. That first kind of food didn’t have enough nutrients so after a few months we had to change to different brand that does the same thing but has more vitamins. He absolutely loved the first kind of food, but he absolutely hates the new one. We have been struggling for a few months now to get him to eat. Nowadays we sit on the floor and hand feed him in order to get him excited to eat every day (ya, it’s crazy). Right after he got the bladder stones, he got really bad ear infections. I’m the only one who can see that there is a thick piece of hair stuck in his left ear which I know caused him to scratch which then caused him to get infections. The hair is still there but doesn’t bother him now and the infection was cleared after we used eardrops for a couple of weeks. At one point T didn’t want to eat and had no energy all day. Eventually he puked and pooped blood. The vet told us they found a tiny piece of metal in his tummy on the xrays but nothing to be concerned about. He needed medication orally through a syringe for a week (which was a real struggle for us all).
In the end of November we took him in to get new xrays and to schedule his surgery that we had decided to go along with. His bladder looked better and he doesn’t need surgery after all, yay! We have to take him for new xrays soon again and hopefully the stones are gone by then. 

2020 started with my husband and myself making a decision to lock in the whole baby thing in a closet and close the door indefinitely, maybe never even open it again. I planned on going back to dance, but ya, there isn’t any this year. In March, I told my husband that regardless of when I get cleared from the partial molar pregnancy, I absolutely do not want to be pregnant during a pandemic, in my opinion it’s stupid. But then I got cleared from my PMP in the end of June (thought it would be in November), we found a house that we flew to look at in July and was told that we could possibly buy it in the end of summer (and we then planned on moving in next summer but maybe spend the winter there). So, we decided to try for a baby in August after all for the reasons that we have awesome insurance at the moment, I like my doctors in New York and we love the hospital plus if something shitty would happen again then NY/CT probably has the best specialists in the country. We got pregnant on the first try. But the whole house process turned into a shitshow and seemed complicated so we kinda gave up. We also thought I miscarried twice during the first trimester (more about that in a different post). And then the corona situation got worse again. So I can’t say I was thrilled to be pregnant in the beginning. 
The guy who built the house has been updating us over the months and we’ve been keeping an eye on it as well, and we’ll know for real very soon if we have a chance to get this house or not. Baby Sura is doing great as far as we know♥

To sum up 2020, yes, it has been challenging. Thor struggled the most probably. He has no real routines anymore, he hates his food, I think he’s sad about that he can’t say hi to all the strangers outside and he doesn’t understand why we keep our distance to others. So I really hope 2021 will be a way better year for him (but we’ll see how he likes being a big brother haha). And Jim and I still love each other, we still love and like to hang out every day, hahah. Now we are ready for 2021 and the challenges we will have this year. 

Thor was super cute in his short haircut though I’m so happy that I got to meet my niece Mila in January before the pandemic
We traveled to Jacksonville right before we began our lives at homeI colored my hair pink in 2020
We’ve been hiking
My last blood test for my PMP!
We drove to Manhattan and had a wonderful day!When I was 19w4d