Showing all posts in Partial Molar Pregnancy

August 12, 2019

I had my very first acupuncture appointment ever earlier today📍 I’ve been told it can help and at this point I’m trying everything that can possibly work cause I want to be done with this now. A woman I’ve been writing with online who is going through similar told me that when her chemo didn’t work fast enough she started with acupunctur and her level went down to 0. So, I thought it could be worth trying, worst case that can happen is that it doesn’t work.
I met a sweet woman who took my case very seriously. After talking for awhile she put 8 needles into different body parts. She wanted to go easy on me since it was my very first time. I was left alone in the dark for twenty minutes and I felt so relaxed, I almost fell asleep haha. When I was done she left a small piece in each ear and told me to leave it there til tomorrow. I wasn’t sure why but I trust her:) I googled earlier and it’s called “ear seeds”. The placement of the pieces I have seems to do many different good things.
Tomorrow morning I have my weekly blood test. Every week is the same, I never know what to expect..has my level gone down, up or stayed the same🤷🏼‍♀️ I hope and want to believe that acupuncture can help me.
And this weekend I pulled a tarot card that told me to have faith and I can expect a miracle. That sounds good to me:)

Today is a regular day, a regular Sunday, it’s a day in August. But it’s also the due date we were given in January.
This day was forgotten right when we found out that our baby had no heartbeat. In my mind I thought “what had been is no longer, lets move on”. 

Normally a miscarriage means that it didn’t work out this time, the body wasn’t ready but you can try again and maybe you succeed.
I was ok, sad of course that we weren’t gonna have a baby with a due date of August 11, sad that I wasn’t finally gonna be able to use the baby girl name that I picked out and have loved since I was 13 (I’ve had a boy name as well but once we got pregnant I didn’t feel that it fit us), sad that my husband had lost a baby and had to see his wife go in for surgery, but I was ok with it. Miscarriages happens all the time.

But as you know, My miscarriage didn’t mean”move on and try again”. For me it meant months of tests and worries if instead of a baby I had got cancer.
The loss of our baby girl was hard but ok to deal with, chemo, surgery, a needle in my arm on weekly basis has all been fine. Even knowing that my body might develop cancer has been somewhat ok cause I’ve heard that in almost all cases that kind of cancer would be treatable. But the freaking waiting is killing me. Waiting for my test result every single week, waiting for doctors to tell me if I need more chemo or not, waiting for that 0 and then knowing that once it’s at 0 I have another 12 months of waiting before they can tell me that I’m done. Waiting for this, waiting for that, it’s the WORST! And I can’t do anything about it really, just keep on waiting and hoping that the body I’ve been given will heal…eventually.

August 11 meant nothing to me after January, but today when I woke up I remembered and it hit me like a big punch in my face. 

But, today is just another day, it’s another Sunday, it’s a day in August. 

I’m not ok anymore, I’m hurting and I need some time to deal with it.
The type of pregnancy I had is considered very rare and my specific case seems to be extremely rare or even unknown within in…I’m not done yet and there’s no way to know how much longer of this I have left.
I need some time to process all this, to sit with it, feel my feelings and deal with them.
Later today I’m gonna delete all apps off my phone and go offline for awhile. I’ll keep my phone on for calls and texts (for doctors reasons) but that’s it. Its summer now anyway and we should be outside enjoying it away from our phones, so it seems like a good time to go mia for a week or two.

July 16, 2019

Both Jim and I went to quest this morning to get blood tests done. J had a regular doctors check up last week so he needed to do a blood test to see that he has all the vitamins and stuff. I went there for my normal weekly HCG blood test. I still haven’t got my result back from last week…cause noone can find the result. I was on the phone all afternoon yesterday talking to all the different doctors offices trying to figure out where my test had been sent. The front desk at my new doctors office also confirmed yesterday that she has put in orders of hcg blood tests for me for three months from now on, but when I arrived at quest this morning they couldn’t find anything. It was too early to call my doctor so I had to just go home. J got his test done and I have to call my doctor in an hour and see what is going on.
My new doctor is great (and she seems to be one of the best of the best at what she does) but the blood tests situation has been a mess cause papers and results get sent to different people and I have tests done at several places. Puh…so much going on.
I don’t know what I have written here last about my case (and maybe nobody cares..but there might be women out there who are dealing with the same thing so I write more for them), but basically nothing has changed. The test I did on July 1 showed same number as in April and the other super-early-pregnancy-blood-test that I did the same day apparently couldn’t show anything cause my numbers are too low (so that’s a good thing). They put me on birth control pills this month which I at first said no to (cause I always avoid pills and medicines unless I really have to take it, I don’t even take regular pain killers) but she only wanted me to take it for 21 days (one cycle) so I said ok. This is because my level might be a phantom…aka not really real…so if I take these for awhile maybe they can trick my body to understand it is not pregnant and it will lower my level…or something..I don’t really understand everything. It could also have something to do with weird antibodies floating around in my body but we don’t know.
If my level doesn’t go down after taking these pills, I will in a month or two go back for chemo but a different kind than I got before. I really don’t want that of course, especially not during summer cause that would mean I can’t be outside and be exposed to the sun and I have to take Thor out.
To sum it all up… Not only did I have a very rare type of pregnancy, I also have an extremely rare or even unknown case within it. Yay me, I feel so special.