Showing all posts in Partial Molar Pregnancy

October 10, 2019

My level has gone down! Only one number but I’ll take it. At 6 now which is the lowest I’ve ever been. I will go back for another blood test in two weeks, I guess they have to keep an eye on it again since it moved.

This is of course great news! But it also (probably) means that my level isn’t naturally higher than a 0 like we thought and I can’t argue against the 12 monthly tests after (which was my plan since my level hasn’t moved for months). So, I guess I’m still waiting for a 0 and then I have another year after that. I’m happy about my 6, but I can’t help being a little sad knowing that I have a long way to go. It’s already been 10 months which is extremely unusual. But, I have to just accept it, be grateful for that I am healthy and let this go.

October 8, 2019

I started to get quite nervous yesterday. These past three weeks of not having to go in for weekly blood tests have been kinda relaxing and my mind could get a break. But yesterday I couldn’t help thinking about it since I kinda had to because I had an acupuncture appointment which focuses on my case. 
Before my appointment, I sat on the couch with closed eyes trying to focus on my breathing. On my way over to the hospital (where my acupuncture is, 3 minutes from our apartment), I listened to calm and relaxing music and walked pretty slow. All that preparation must have done something cause my blood pressure was way down (last time I came in quite stressed and blood pressure was higher than my normal..which is normally kinda low). It was a shorter session in a different room with big windows yesterday. Somehow I still ended up super relaxed and could put focus inwards instead of the light from the windows or the noise in the hallway outside. 
She told me to keep the ear seeds til this morning, so I did, two on each ear. I took them off this morning before I jumped into the shower and got ready for my scheduled blood test at 6:45 am, my first monthly test. A quick visit, bought coffee next door and met J and T in the park by our apt. I am nervous for my result. It can be 7-8 like the past few months, or it can be 20, or it can be 2, or 100, or 0. Now I have to try to not think about this today cause there’s nothing I can do anyway, and then just wait for my doctor to call me tomorrow.
Thor woke up around 3am for whatever reason and after that I couldn’t fall back to sleep so I might be very tired later today. But I’m gonna try to keep busy so I don’t have to focus on my levels. 

September 16, 2019

I don’t want to write more about this partial molar pregnancy story. It’s not fun for you to read, it’s not fun for me to write (and it’s definitely not fun to go through). But this is what my world has circled around this entire year. We are in the middle of September, I started this story in the end of January, I wish I was done. 

But this is (maybe…who knows) my last update for awhile. I wrote in a previous post that I surrender, I will give in, let it sort itself out and just trust that it will be ok. Right after that, Jim spoke to his brother who works at the Cleveland Clinic. He had spoken to his boss. Long story short, R sent a link to an antibodies test order at Quest, after some back and forth problems with my doctor I finally got to do this test last week. This test could help figure out if my hcg level is a phantom or not = basically if I can be done with blood tests or not. So when Jim told me all this a few weeks ago I forgot about surrendering and got all my hopes up again….only to find out today that I do not have that antibody so it can not affect my level. Well…that sucks. Back to mystery.

Positive news I heard today from my doctor though is that since my level has stayed the same and on such low level long enough I can now start to go in for monthly tests instead of weekly. Don’t know for how long but I guess I have to start with 12 months. I’ve read somewhere during all my google searches these months that hcg can stay in your body for months but also for years, so who knows when I’ll be done. 

So now I’m back to surrendering. There’s nothing I can do but to keep going in for monthly blood tests til whenever I end up on 0, if ever. Now all the worries of if it will develop into cancer or not is back, but I will try not to think about that. What I don’t know can’t hurt me.

To be honest, I don’t feel angry or frustrated about all this anymore, just sad. But I’ll work through it. It’s not the end of the world, I’m not dying and it could be so much worse. Have to be grateful for what I have and see what is positive in my life. 

August 27, 2019

Chilly but beautiful morning today

Left the apartment together with Jim this morning and went for a 45 minute walk. The earliest appointment I could get at Quest was 8:30 am (I prefer to schedule instead of just walk in cause sometimes you end up sitting there for an hour or so). It is getting pretty chilly out now. We had 32 degrees out almost every day last week and now we are in the lower 20’s. During the morning today is was only 16! I’m not ready for that yet. Thought last winter was going to be our last cold one but shit happened as you know and we’re staying for another cold winter. I’m trying to soak up every minute of sunshine and warmer temperatures:) Anyway. I did my blood test and went next door to buy a coffee. I’ve been on my computer since I got back home, haven’t done much actually though cause my laptop is like a slow motion grandpa and the other computer kinda died after moving upstairs. 

The whole “surrender” thing has been working. One mind shift and boom, I feel like a new person. It’s a liberating feeling in my body and mind. Jim has told me several times over the past months to stop thinking about it, but it’s not easy since I get reminded a few times every week. One day of the week I have my blood test, then another day of waiting for my doctor to call with the result and now I’ve added acupuncture one day of the past three weeks, and the days in between I’ve been so stressed to figure out a new thing to try to get my level down. I have tried literally everything you could possibly think of plus things noone has ever thought of. Nothing has worked. So now when I’ve been surrendering to let it work itself out, I get a little bit of peace of mind. Feels like a huge mountain dropped off my shoulders. I’m not done yet and it does bother me and I do think about it a lot still, but that stress is gone. It’s hard to do nothing but I’m “working” on it at least and I do feel a change. 

August 22, 2019

Good Morning! This week is passing by quickly. On Monday I had my second acupuncture. She put a few more needles in, I think maybe 4-5 on each leg, maybe 6 on my stomach and two ear seeds in each ear (she left two for me to take off the next day). She told me she is going to “treat” me for fertility related issues cause there is of course no specific things to do for hcg levels. So she put needles in kidney points, spleen points and the reproductive system or something like that. I was left alone for awhile in the dark and in the end I was so calm and relaxed I couldn’t move haha. This woman is so sweet too, we talked about our countries (she’s from Iran) a lot and I feel very comfortable with her. You never know with people you meet and have to be close to, like doctors and masseuses, but so far through this pmp story I’ve had people around me that I can honestly say I’m comfortable with.
On Tuesday I had my blood test and on Wednesday I was waiting and waiting for the phone call from my doctor. I was nervous last week cause I somehow expected good news, this week I was even more nervous since my level had gone up last time and I was afraid that she would tell me it was up more and I need chemo. I held my breath when she called. When she said it was down one number again I was kinda chocked but happy. Ok, so what now? Well, I’ll have another blood test on Tuesday and we will go from there. She told me the best news so far “Soon we will have you start going in for monthly tests, you are not going to have to do weekly forever”. Aahh, I really didn’t expect her to tell me that but I think maybe they have started to realize that my natural hcg level is higher (most people have 0 but not everyone) and it maybe won’t go down all the way, or, I don’t know. There is no way to know what my natural level is since I have never tested it before I got pregnant (like, why would I?). I have had same numbers since April which is extremely rare.
I have acupuncture again on Monday, test on Tuesday and then I’m going to be even more nervous if that’s even possible to hear my result.