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June 22, 2021

This is how my belly looks like now. My stomach is mushy, my skin is loose and I have stretch marks. This is me now. I look like this. I accept it. I grew a human in there and that’s pretty freaking awesome.
For 37 weeks I had no stretch marks. None. During the whole pregnancy I was waiting for it to pop up because I expected to get them (because it’s part genetic and part how your skin is and no amount of coconut oil can prevent them, it can only possibly help to reduce the damage). And then boom, closer to 38 weeks I got a few lines by my belly button and within one week the very front of my stomach was covered.
When I had entered second trimester I told my husband that I really don’t mind getting stretch marks, or lets call them beauty marks, but when I get them I hope that it wont be right in the front. With the size of my bump that was growing completely straight forward I thought for sure that I would get marks on the sides. Well, of course, where I least wanted, that’s the only place I ended up getting them.
I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit bummed at first, but then I reminded myself how cool it is to have created a tiny person who lived inside my body for 9 months. Women are awesome, our bodies are amazing and I am grateful to even have been pregnant. My beauty marks and the lose skin is a reminder that I created my daughter. This is how my belly looks like now.

To something else. I had my 6 week postpartum doctors appointment this morning. I saw the nurse for a few seconds to check my blood pressure and stuff and then when my doctor came into the room she started talking to me like if we had seen each other ten minutes earlier and had been in the middle of a conversation then haha. That’s what I like about her, she is so easy to be around. Then I gave her the gifts that I had brought. Jim bought three pink Calla Lily yesterday and two chocolate bars for her and two for the nurse that was there all night when I was in labor (my doctor will see her tomorrow at the hospital). Along with that I wrote a thank you card or each of them. My doctor has been there since the beginning in 2018 and I really do appreciate her support and encouragement through it all. The main nurse was also really amazing and she needs to be appreciated for her work. My doctor gave a few long hugs during my visit and told me to send Christmas cards with pictures of our Lily:) She’s just the sweetest, I’m very grateful to have had an amazing doctor like her through this journey.

Anyway. My abdomen still has a small gap, but my doctor seems to trust that with my dance background I know how to help my body to go back. My “downstairs” area hasn’t healed completely yet, I might have two more weeks of healing ahead, but that also doesn’t seem to be a problem for starting to work out. So, now I can slowly try to do some pilates, ballet, yoga and other dancing again which is nice. 

She told me that there’s really no ab muscles so I have to really start from scratch. Well of course there’s no muscles, I just had a human being living there taking up all he space and I couldn’t exactly do any ab workout:) It’s weird to know that I have to start from zero, but it’s also quite exciting in a way 😀

Another good news is that my hcg level is <1!
Because of my partial molar history I had to get a blood test done today to check my hcg (the test I did week after week and wasn’t cleared for 18 months). The result came in this afternoon and the number is a better one than I got exactly one year ago when I did my final test. Yay! I have been a bit worried that it would take a long time again, but it’s all good. I’m very happy.

Jim and Lily was waiting outside the clinic during my appointment

June 21, 2021

Happy International Yoga Day

Last week, I finally rolled out my yoga mat while baby was napping. Super gentle and slow asana practices. I did half an hour on Wednesday and 20 minutes on Thursday. My postpartum appointment is tomorrow so I haven’t got the green light yet so I had to be really careful to not overdo it. I have no idea how my abs are doing, they feel ok but until they have been checked by my doctor I have to take it easy. This postpartum journey is a slow one but I rather take it slow now than regret something later. 

My “free time” is overbooked by laundry, cooking, cleaning, maybe a shower and hopefully remember to brush my teeth twice a day and play with the pup….and I’m lucky to have a husband who works from home and helps out, I don’t know how other moms does it.
I don’t get many moments of asana or meditation practice these days but I’ll take what I can get. Even five minutes is enough. But the time I spend feeding my little love gives me time to practice the other parts of yoga and that helps to keep myself a bit grounded.
Yamas and Niyamas are the first two parts of yoga out of the 8 and they should be practiced daily. Asana, aka poses, are important for your body, but we need to also work on our minds and think about how we are around others in the world and how we care for ourselves. These two steps in yoga is not easy ones, that’s why we need to practice every day. 

If you can, right this second; step away from your computer or put your phone down, close your eyes and listen to your own breath for a couple of minutes. It will be worth it, I promise🥰

June 20, 2021

Happy First Father’s Day to my husband! And Happy Father’s Day to all the other dads out there. 

On Friday, we drove to Greenwich to see a specialist at a Children’s Hospital. We got our temperatures checked at the entrance and was sent up to the third floor. We checked in and they told us that only one parent could go in with Lily and the other one had to leave the building. So I went to sit outside on a park bench in their little garden. Her appointment lasted for like 45 minutes cause apparently the doctor wanted to tell Jim in detail about all the stuff it could be even though she was absolutely fine. I didn’t mind, I enjoyed my time spent alone meditating under a tree:) So yes, Lily is ok, nothing to worry about. If she gets any new marks in her face we have to take her back, but these current ones are fine and they may disappear over time.
Jim told me later that the doctor had said that “he was so good with her” and she had sounded surprised. Eh what? That might sound like a complement but no, that’s a pretty bad thing to say. Why is that a surprise? He’s a great parent, it’s his child just as much as mine. Either all the other dads she meet are terrible fathers or her ideas of men is wrong…

Non-alcoholic IPA from Athletic Brewing Co

If everything goes right, we’ll have a house to move into in less than a month. We have already signed the papers, now we are just waiting for inspection and stuff. So in the evening on Friday, we sat on the terrace again and celebrated yet another day with great news. Or, well, Thor was throwing up, pooping blood and didn’t want to eat that day which of course wasn’t great. We think he’s depressed:( Cause now when we have made an even bigger effort this weekend to snuggle, play and include him more he seems happier and he’s eating and he gets excited to go for walks. He still hides under the couch and yells at Jim if he is holding Lily when she’s crying but we have to keep making him feel loved and included. Our little fluffy love♥

Yesterday I didn’t do much. It was quite hot and sticky outside most of the day so Lily and I hung out inside. Other than cleaning up in the apartment, ordering and eating sushi during one of her longer naps, I was pretty much only feeding L and then sat there with her sleeping on top of me basically all day. It’s lovely and hard at the same time.

This morning, Lily woke up at 5 am (Jimmy had apparently changed her diaper 1.5 hour before that but she stayed asleep, so I got a good night sleep). She ate, pooped, I tried to put her back to bed but had to feed more. Eventually she fell asleep and I could put her back in her crib. At 6:15 am I left the three sleeping beauties, ate a banana and made myself a cup of tea. I sat down by the opened balcony door and listened to the birds. A lovely morning. 
After we were done with half of our breakfast, we all decided to go for a walk to the baseball park before it got too hot outside. Thor was happy and Lily took a half an hour nappy.
Jim has mentioned Father’s Day all week, I guess he’s been excited:) To celebrate this day he grilled us some steaks and I made pasta with Swedish béarnaise sauce, a strange combination maybe but we are trying to finish everything we have in the cabinets before moving. That’s why I didn’t get hubby a gift for today cause I don’t want to pack more shit:)

Never seen blue school busses before. They also had pink garbage cans instead of black

This coming week will be yet another busy one. We have a few appointments scheduled, the air conditioner in the car is getting fixed and on Friday it’s Midsummer. It’ll be my 11th year celebrating in America which is a bit weird, I barely remember how it is in Sweden this day anymore haha. And I’m hoping to be able to introduce my friend to Lily next weekend, but first I need my vaccine. 

June 16, 2021

Yesterday, right after I finished writing the last post, Lily got scheduled for an ultrasound at the hospital across the street from us an hour later. We still have to see a specialist to confirm (appointment on Friday) but the ultrasound lady told us that she could not find anything inside her body. Yay! And since we haven’t seen any more birthmarks popping up since she was about three weeks old, I hope it’s nothing to worry about. 

And yesterday we got good news regarding a house, but I will update you about that later, nothing is 100% yet. But things are looking good! 

We have exactly one month to finish off our lives here and we have plenty of stuff to deal with. We need to schedule dentist appointments, I need an orthodontics appointment, Thor needs a spa day and we need to schedule him for x-rays to make sure that the bladder stones hasn’t come back, Lily will see a specialist and then in three weeks she has her two month checkup, Jim apparently needs to get himself a tdap shot (because of the baby) and I need to get my second vaccine shot, I have my postpartum checkup next week, we need to pack our stuff in boxes and start selling the rest of our furniture, I need to send papers to have Lily become a Swedish citizen, plus we have Midsommar, my birthday and Fourth of July to celebrate. Busy 30 days for sure 🙂 

I would also love love love to go to Manhattan one day but that might be too hot for Lily. But I would just love to walk around Central Park with the stroller and maybe sit down on the grass and have a little picnic (aka Lily gets boob). As of yesterday, NYC has lifted most covid restrictions so it would be so lovely to enjoy brunch at an outdoor seating somewhere on either Upper West or Upper East Side. I feel like I need some sort of closure, I need to say goodbye to New York City.
I can’t wait to leave Connecticut, I really don’t feel at home here, but I have started to feel a bit, hmm what should we call it… separation sadness to leave NYC. No, we haven’t lived there in over four years but we’ve been close enough and to not be able to go there unless I fly there and make a whole weekend trip out of it, it’s a bit emotional. I’ve been looking forward to move somewhere warm for such a long time and I really can’t wait for next month! I’m super excited! But, that doesn’t mean I can’t be emotional about leaving. 

It’s nice to be able to feed my child wherever I am at the moment she is hungry, the beauty of breastfeedingAfter she was done eating and had fallen asleep in my arms, I enjoyed a glass of wine to celebrate all the good news.
Such a lovely evening last night. I prefer a bit hotter temperatures but for Lily and Thor’s sake it was perfect:)

June 15, 2021

Hey, what’s up? Days runs by quickly here in our baby bubble. Lily is growing up fast, already over 5 weeks old! We have been searching and searching for a home to buy before we have to move out from here. The weather has been a little colder which allows us to be outside for a little bit every day. We’ve watched some netflix tv-shows. And we’ve been mesmerized by Lily’s cute smiles and attempts of laughing:)

Lily had her one month checkup with the pediatrician on Friday. We were told that everything looks great. She is as of last week cluster feeding which is tough for mamma but she is growing well and that’s all that matters:) So she has gained a pound and she’s about an inch taller which is very good for two weeks.
She has a few birthmarks that we are keeping an eye on but nothing to worry about… or that’s what we were told in the morning during our appointment. The pediatrician then called in the afternoon and said that Lily needs an ultrasound and then need to see a specialist in NYC. She still said that there’s probably nothing to worry about but they want to be sure. Of course this hurts my mamma heart, but I’m trying to not freak out about it or even worry since we don’t know anything yet. I’m sure she’s fine. Hopefully there won’t be any more marks popping up. She has three that I’ve been a little worried about but I’ve been told multiple times that they will probably go away with age and I hope that’s true.

Thor seems a tiny bit depressed which hurts my pommy mommy heart, but we can’t do much other than try to snuggle and play with him whenever we have some time and let him know that he still means a lot to us and that he’s part of this family too. 

I still haven’t done any yoga or dancing since she was born which is a bit sad. I’ve had a few opportunities now but I don’t know about them until it’s too late. Like yesterday for example. She was napping for four hours which is very rare, usually it’s for maybe 10 minutes if even that (that’s why we let her nap for that long). So I never know when I can start a bigger project. Yes, doing yoga is now considered a big project haha, and so is washing my hair:) So instead I try to do things that is easy to leave in the middle of. Yesterday I did laundry (like every day these days), dealt with the enormous mess in the walk-in-closet where we have a lot of the gifts we’ve received, and prepared everything to be able to cook us dinner once she had woken up and been fed. But during 4 hours I could easily have done yoga, done some stuff on the computer and start packing things upstairs into boxes. Oh well.

What else is going on? I’m in a “I want to throw away/donate everything” mood right now but as I’ve been walking around the apartment I can’t seem to find anything to get rid of which annoys me cause I don’t like the amount of stuff we have. Plus I don’t feel like bringing a lot of boxes when we move. 

I think from now on, whenever she is napping, even if it ends up only being for 10 minutes, I’m gonna take the opportunity to move my body, cause I really need it and then during other leftover moments I will pack the apartment:)

It was raining for a few days and I didn’t feel like taking the stroller out to get wet, plus it was really hot outside, so I put Lily in a wrap, grabbed my mask and went for a 6 minute walk on the covered parking lot of our building and then a 15 minute walk up and down the hallway of the apartment floor.
Not much activity haha but at least something:) Just look at this cutie, she melts my ♥
Very few people in Stamford are wearing masks these days. Connecticut has a very high rate of vaccinated people so you are now allowed to walk around, eat at restaurants, enjoy sport etc. without wearing a mask. I keep mine on still since I have a newborn and I haven’t got my second shot yet
The summer art in our city this year seems to be painted pianos, we saw a few of them on our walk to downtown one evening