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Written January 14, 2019, published in February

I am now 10+1. Only a few days more to go until we are telling our families the big secret of ours. Today (so far, it’s 11:30am now) I don’t really have any symptoms and my belly is small. But, I guess that’s better than being bloated. I had a dream this weekend that I ate fruit an berries. One thing I ate was cantaloupe, so we went to the grocery store yesterday morning to buy one. I had a few pieces in the afternoon…and then I googled if I could. Apparently pregnant women shouldn’t eat cantaloupe because of the risk of listeria. If you are going to eat it you have to wash it with antibacterial soap before cutting it. I didn’t wash it, just like I have never washed a banana on the outside before eating it. I freaked out for a sec, but then thought that whatever, lots of things can have listeria, it’s impossible to live life if you are being scared of everything that could happen. I avoid deli meat and stuff that is supposed to be of risk of listeria, but I can’t avoid everything. So, this morning I cut some of my craving into small pieces and added it to my coconut yogurt along with banana and chia seeds. Yum!
Sweets are my other cravings that I have had the past few weeks. But that’s not new to me, I can eat cookies all day long every day, pregnant or not:) And for the past two weeks I want everything hot and spicy. Sriracha veggie chips, hot sauce, jalapenos, bloody mary (which I don’t drink now of course), you name it. 

On Saturday I thought I would text my friend and ask if we could see each other after I come back from Sweden. My plan was to tell her about the baby then. But Jim and her boyfriend had been texting and decided they were gonna watch football together on Sunday and Daniela would come after she finish work. Jim and Gareth went to Tigin while I was at home just waiting and napping with Thor. Three hours later the guys came back. They took Thor out and met D downstairs. Back in the apartment, J went to the bathroom and I overheard G and D whispering something and I new right away what was coming. J came back out and Daniela said “we have news, I am 11 weeks pregnant”. I just looked at her and smiled and responded “I am 10 weeks”.
How crazy is that!!! We are one week apart. We are having summer babies together:) Their due date is July 29th and ours is Aug 11th. Hihihi. Gareth had apparently already told Jim when they were at Tigin. So cute. He seems very excited. I know Jim is excited as well, but he never shows it so it was fun to see how G was kinda lighting up when talking about it:) 
I wish that our families would be the first ones to know, but I couldn’t not tell D and G our news after them telling us. It was actually really nice to talk pregnancy and show each other our ultrasound pictures. It’s nice to share with someone else. And I’m so happy for them, we knew about their baby process and it finally happened for them ♥

Written January 12, 2019, published in February

Hihih, look at this cute belly. I can’t suck it in anymore, it just stays as a bump♥

I am still working out somewhat like normal. Being on my stomach doing back stuff has been kinda hard, mostly because my boobs hurt then, and doing things for the abs just feels strange because there is a hard bump in the way. But I’m still lifting weights, using the bike and elliptical and doing other pilates stuff. I have been going to the gym less though part because I don’t know how much I can push it (I will ask the Dr on Wednesday) and part because it’s been the holidays and I usually don’t feel like working out then:) My body feels pretty ok. If I sleep my 8 hours then I have lots of energy, my bloating is still always there but it’s not bothering me really and I feel overall pretty strong. I hope I can keep this up. 

Written January 9, 2019, published in February

I am 9+3 today. Basically every day since we found out we got a positive pregnancy test, I have not really felt that I am pregnant. If it hadn’t been for the constant bloating and looking like I’m several months pregnant when only weeks, I would not know that there’s is a little Wiggly in there. Sure, my boobs grew two bra sizes the first couple of weeks and from I would say maybe week 6 they started to hurt but I would only notice the soreness when going to bed when taking my bra off. I have had days when the prenatal vitamin has made me feel nauseous and dizzy, but as long as I take the vitamin when eating a good amount of food (usually breakfast) it’s fine. I have been tired but not the kind of tired that I think pregnancy would cause. Every single night (except maybe two for over two months) I wake up and can’t fall back to sleep. And I don’t wake up because I need to pee or anything, it’s just my regular waking up in the middle of the night thing that I’ve had for years, but it happens all the time now. On average I get maybe 5 hours of sleep and I really don’t function well if I don’t get 8 hours or more, so it has made me tired, but it would make anyone tired.

Today, I don’t feel anything. It’s just one of those days when I just don’t feel pregnant. I had to watch the little video from the ultrasound to remind myself that there is a little baby in there. And since Jim doesn’t show any emotions or feelings about that we are having a kid doesn’t help, it’s just another day in our lives. I try to include him in how I feel, what the apps say is going on with the baby and I try to ask him if he’s excited but I honestly don’t know how he feels or if he even cares. Ya, I know, this is Jim we are talking about, the man who doesn’t care or feel other things than “fine”, but it would be nice with at least one reaction to that he’s going to be a dad, especially when I don’t feel anything..

I’m trying to be excited about this but it’s hard when you don’t really feel anything. I’m the kind of person who’s very sensitive and can pick up stuff from and about other people, so I kinda thought that I would have a connection to the baby early on, but I’m 9+3 and still feel nothing. Oh well, I’m just one of those mother-to-be who doesn’t feel it I guess. 

Just one of those days today. I’m so happy and grateful for that my body is doing good and that I feel like normal, cause I know other women who really suffers through their first trimester and maybe even throughout the whole pregnancy, but it would be nice to at least get a feeling that I’m carrying a child. I do look pregnant sometimes, mostly in the afternoon, so I’m pretending that I’m further along than I am, hahaha. My constant bloating is my symptom and reminder.