Home

March 3, 2019

Ever since before my 20s, I have got questions about marriage and babies. When we are really young we are told (at least when I was a kid, I really hope it has changed and children are told differently now) that a family is of a man and a woman and their children. Me and my girl friends back then were more or less told to believe that when we grow up we will meet a nice man, get married and have two children (a boy and a girl), a golden retriever, a volvo and we would live happily ever after in our beautiful house. Well, that’s not how it is for most people.
Questions about marriage and kids should not come before you are 20. You can ask kids what they think of their future of course, but don’t tell them a bunch of bullshit and don’t assume they will all grow up wanting those things.
When you’re in your 20s, the questions multiply by a lot, especially if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but also when you don’t. When you get engaged and then married, puh, people won’t stop asking about when the babies, plural, will come. 

This is an extremely important thing to talk about!

I have seriously been annoyed and eventually been really angry about these questions for many years. When I’ve got them, I just brushed it off and said something funny back or I didn’t say anything at all, because it’s non of anyone else’s business. I might sound like bitch now, but this is important.

There are many couples who try and try and desperately want children but can’t. There are those who will do anything they possibly can to have a child. There are those who doesn’t want to get married and those who doesn’t want to have children. Many have to go through miscarriages before it works, if it ever works. Some people get pregnant right away and push out healthy little ones. Some wants to get married and have kids right away, and some want to wait. Some wants to get married but doesn’t have anyone to marry….
There are many many many stories. And questions can hurt. 

So before asking someone about when they will get married or especially before asking about when they will have children, remember that these people, all people, have a story. 

Everyone assumes stuff about others all the time. You are expected to get married if you have been dating for a long time. You are expected to have children right after you get married. You are expected to want a family the older you get. But you know what, not everyone wants these things.
My husband and I got married and all the assumptions got way worse than before (plus we got a ridiculous amount of questions if this was a real relationship or just for me to get a green card).
We knew before getting married that we didn’t want a kid just yet. We said that maybe 32 could be a good age and we only want one. We never said this out loud to anyone, because it’s our decision, not yours. Now I came out with that we were pregnant but lost our baby and guess what, everyone now assumes that we are going to try again. Maybe we will, but maybe we won’t. Maybe we feel that nah, it’s maybe not for us, or maybe  we are that couple who desperately wants a baby, or maybe we get pregnant again but find out that for some reason we will never be able to have a healthy child, or maybe this or maybe that. Either way..It’s non of anyone else’s business but ours. Whatever we decide, if we want to talk about it with someone, we will, otherwise, don’t ask and don’t assume. 

February 26, 2019

I just spent 1.5 minute at the doctors and took what I first thought was a $25 taxi home. An expensive blood test…until I saw I got the ride 50% off which was a little better price. My HCG level (hormones) was not down enough last week so I had to come in now and have them take more blood. Good thing we keep producing new blood cause otherwise I would be empty by now. Hopefully it’s down to zero, I really don’t wanna go back in. 

The whole pregnancy feels almost like a big blur, sometimes it feels like these three months never happened. We were at the doctors 4 times but I barely remember.
The first two-three weeks after conception you don’t even know you’re pregnant and then you have to wait til week 8 or 10, depending on your doctor, to come in for your first visit. Since I didn’t have any symptoms really, it was just regular days and what felt like long waiting for that first appointment to confirm that there was a baby in there. After the first ultrasound it slowly started to sink in that we were having a baby, but you’re still in that stage of just walking around like a “normal” person. Clothes were getting tighter by the day but that’s about it. People didn’t know about it so you are just walking around smiling to yourself. I started to say good morning and good night to the belly after week 8 or 9 in an attempt to make it more real for myself. After we told our families about the pregnancy and spent a week with my parents, it started to be real and I even played with the thought of being called “mom” in the summer.
So, to sum it up, we had one week of being pregnant, the rest is just blurry.
It almost feels like I just woke up from a very long nap. And the months before getting pregnant, all I had on my mind was that I wanted it to work the next time I was ovulating. So those months feels like a giant mush of hopes. 

And now I’m back to being a normal person again. Right now I’m just waiting for my hormone level to go back so that my period can show up (well, no woman is really waiting for that to show up but my body needs to go back to normal). And then regular life is gonna continue like nothing ever happened. We never had a little girl, I was never pregnant, it was just a sad nap.