November 7, 2019

Two weeks ago my HCG level showed a 2, the first green number I’ve had all year. My doctor wanted me to go in for a new test two weeks later to make sure it stays low.
I went to Quest Diagnostics on Tuesday (Nov 5th). Recently I have received my test results on my QD login before my doctor calls, but she doesn’t know that. Yesterday morning I woke up around 5:30 am and couldn’t fall back to sleep. I felt like a little kid on Christmas morning. I wanted to wait to open my email to see if the result had come back until J was awake getting ready for work. 
He got up an hour later and I threw myself over my phone. Another 2. 
I was both happy that my level was low but also a bit disappointed cause I really expected (or hoped for) a 0. A 2 is still considered negative (in our state its negative under 5), but I wanted to see that zero to know that I am really ok. My feelings went back and forth…happy and a bit annoyed. Maybe hard for anyone else to understand if you’ve never been through this, but this is feelings I’ve been fighting with every day. 

Around 9 am, my doctor calls me. She was all excited and bubbly. I already knew my result but I pretended to not know. She almost screamed in the phone that “You’re at 2!”. I was confused at first why she was so excited since I had already had this number once before. Then she told me that tests can not show any lower numbers, she has never seen a 0, a 2 is as low as it’ll go.

2 = 0!!!!!!!!

So my last test could have been a zero as well, but I guess she wanted to make sure it stayed that way before she could tell me it’s a 0.
This is the best news I’ve ever heard! This is the news we’ve been waiting to hear for 9 months!! This year has been absolute hell for me and now I’m finally at 0! 
I immediately called my husband. I never ever call him, we always just text each other, but this news was too big, I just had to tell him. “There is no 0, my 2 counts as a 0. I AM AT 0!!”. I was so freaking excited I just kept screaming out that I was at 0, hahaha. 

I am not done yet though. Because I’ve had stubborn numbers and got chemo in May, I have a long way to go still. Going in for my first monthly test in December. But what’s ahead of us is not something I want to think about now, I am only focusing on my zero for now:)
Last night, Jim came home with a bottle of champagne. This 0 is worth celebrating! I have been picturing yesterday, picturing us celebrating since February. Me and my doctors were expecting this celebration happening in April….not 9 months post pregnancy. But our bodies can be of mystery, hcg levels is not something you can do anything about (believe me, I have tried). Sometimes you have to just surrender and let it sort itself out. My story is longer than most but at least I never got cancer and I finally hit 0!

WE ARE SO HAPPY!!!! A small step that means so much to us ♥

November 5; not my last blood test, but hopefully the last one to be nervous about:)