THIS IS FANNY | THIS IS FANNY

TREAT YO’SELF

Fanny Sura18 February, 2020Leave a comment

February 18, 2020

Treat Yo’self, yup, I admit, I have been treating myself real good lately 😀
Four weeks of traveling mixed with poor diet and lack of movements, no routines, just indulging in the good things. Not only do I feel like a walrus, my muscles are weak and I have a face of a teenager. But I’m not beating myself up over it. I liked it actually. But, our bodies needs a balanced diet and movements for a long and happy life. We only have one body, one heart that’s beating. I love mine and it’s up to me to keep it safe, healthy and happy.
After a period like this, it’s hard to motivate yourself, but I think as long as we just DO the things we need, it’ll get better and the motivation will come along with it. Everything is hard in the beginning 😀

In Florida, Jacksonville, Travel, USA

downtown Jacksonville

Fanny Sura16 February, 202016 February, 2020Leave a comment

February 16, 2020

Three-day-weekend. Not a lot of working for my hubby these days:) We came back from Florida on Tuesday night and he’s off tomorrow (it’s President’s Day here in America).

Our trip to Florida was successful. We got to explore downtown Jacksonville, visit many different communities in St Johns, meet with home builders and spend some time on the beach. The weather was quite “cold” the first two days, but on Monday and Tuesday I walked around in shorts. Jacksonville was also filled with palm trees which made my heart happy. Everywhere you looked, everywhere you drove, there where lots of palmies♥ Streets where wide and nice to drive on – unlike NY and CT where you are afraid of getting a flat tire no matter where you drive. We both liked Jacksonville. If we gonna move there or not, who knows. This was just a research trip. We have a few other cities we want to explore before we can make a decision:)

Downtown Jacksonville had a nice skyline and….nothing going on. Maybe we walked the wrong streets, I don’t know, but on a Saturday afternoon there was nothing happening, noone out. Later on we left the downtown area, walked along the river and into another area that seems to be the Brooklyn of Jax, very hipster with lots of bars and people. We found somewhere to eat and went back to the hotel relatively early since we had a meeting in the morning. I feel like we got to see what the city had to offer which was the whole purpose:)

We started our day in Florida with a small bite and drinks at our hotel.
In the back you see what’s apparently a famous golf course where they have big tournaments
(I’m not a golfer so I didn’t actually care hahah)
We took a taxi to the south part of the river and got a coffee at Southern Grounds
and then we went for a long walk to the river
The view of downtown, seen from south of the river Beautiful sunset, very colorful Full moon, called Snow Moon. It was so big that night, Feb 8th

In Dance

movements speak

Fanny Sura16 February, 2020Leave a comment

I speak three languages every day. Dance is my first, Swedish and English are my seconds.

I’ve never been good at expressing myself with speaking words. Writing is better and I feel much more comfortable with that, but if you really want to get to know me, look at my body language, I speak it throughout the day….sometimes along with making weird sounds or singing:)

For as long as I have lived, I’ve always been asked to “sit still” or “be quiet”, and I felt very trapped in the way I could express myself. That’s why I’ve always turned to open spaces for weirdness > dance classes, performing on stage, teaching dance and that’s also why I started writing.

// and then I met a man who has never ever told me to stop being me…and I married that man🥰 //

There’s a difference between being an annoying person in wrong situations and being a person who simply just has the need to get some weirdness out of the system from time to time🤪
Embrace your weirdness. Speak your language.

What’s your languages?

In Travel

it’s never easy to travel

Fanny Sura4 February, 2020Leave a comment

February 4, 2020

It was tougher to say goodbye to my sister this time,
but luckily we live in a time where we can make calls with video
// above: Mila, 1.5 week old //

My trip back to the states was pretty easy overall. My parents drove me to Malmo (there were no trains that early in the morning), 20 min train ride from there, I arrived at the airport two hours before my flight, my check-in was the quickest ever, I bought a cortado and croissant at EspressoHouse and read my book until it was time to go through the American security. Boarded the plane and once again I had empty seats next to me, half the plane was empty. I watched a bunch of movies, slept a little bit and then we arrived early.
I spent maybe 25 seconds (!!) in security at Newark Airport!! I’m never ever getting rid of Global Entry! But, even if I was the first person to get through, I was still one of the last to leave because of course my bag arrived dead last. I walked over to the exit security, stood in this looong line and after a few minutes I finally saw that there was a Global Entry exit there as well (people had been blocking the sign), took me maybe 15 seconds and I was through. Awesome! But, again, bad luck. My taxi driver ended up driving the wrong way or something and didn’t pick up his phone when calling or texting, so I probably stood there waiting for +40 minutes when it first said 4 minutes. Ride home was smooth though, took about an hour and I was home around 4 pm (landed 1:30, so not too bad anyway considering).
Once I was home I was just exhausted. My sweet husband had dinner ready, and after a shower and eating I fell asleep for a few minutes on the couch during the SuperBowl. Forced myself to be awake for the Halftime Show – JLo & Shakira, of course I had to watch that! – and then I went to bed and could barely understand a word my husband was saying, I passed out. And I had a wonderful nights sleep.

All of yesterday I just walked around in our apartment and felt pure love to be home. I missed my boys a lot during my trip. Only 11 days gone but it was still hard, so nice to be home again. And before I left I had been organizing and cleaned out stuff so everything was tidy, bright and a bit minimalistic, just the way I like it:)

I got up early this morning to go get my monthly blood test. Hahah, the nurse must have been tired cause she put the needle in without the tube. She grabbed the tube and poked me again, probably gonna end up with a bruise now, but whatever, my arm has been through a lot already, it’ll survive:)

Thor helped me unpack, not very helpful though, just wanted to sleep in the suitcase 😀 Finally some sun after a week of dark clouds and rain in Sweden

In Partial Molar Pregnancy

one year

Fanny Sura30 January, 2020Leave a comment

January 30, 2020

January 30 is a date that I probably will remember for as long as live. For me, a miscarriage meant that things weren’t right and it wasn’t meant to be, and I moved on quicker than I thought I would. But then, well, I don’t have to tell you, you all know that it turned into a loooong shitshow:) When my sister announced her due date this summer, I told her right away that I won’t come, it would be too hard for me, too many bad associations. But when my mystery case started to look brighter this fall, I decided that it would probably be ok, so I booked my flight to come see her because she means too much to me to not come and support.

Last time I was in Sweden, we announced our pregnancy, everyone was happy for our perfect little baby who wasn’t at all perfect. Once we were back in the states, I went in for surgery, I had to say goodbye to a little girl and hello to a long long process of tests, treatments, mysteries and worries. After I booked this trip in December I thought that it would be ok to go here, I felt that I had worked through everything. I had hit zero and everything felt better. But,.. last week, as my trip was approaching, all my feelings went upside down. I’m not sad about the miscarriage, but it’s tough to think about that it’s been 12 months and even if I have finally hit 0, I’m still doing blood tests every month and there’s no guarantee, it is possible that it can come back. I don’t like to dwell on things, I like to look forwards and try to be optimistic, but last week, during the days leading up to my Sweden trip, I couldn’t do anything without having tears coming down my cheeks. I couldn’t explain why, I didn’t quite understand it as I really do feel like I have worked through this story, but maybe this is something that I have to be reminded of for as long as I live, winter trips to Sweden might always be associated with happiness turned into sadness. I don’t know.

Hear me right, I’m having a wonderful time here, time with my family and relatives means a lot to me and to hug my sister and snuggle my new niece is beyond amazing. But, just because everything else is awesome doesn’t mean that you can always just shut down what’s hard. And it can come back when you least expect it, in ways you’ve never experienced before. Even if it seems like my body is healed and I feel healthy, I’ve heard of women who’s numbers suddenly goes back up again, which I’m not really scared of but the thought of not being done is tiring. I’m exhausted actually.

Having to work through these thoughts and feelings, it’s something I’ve come to accept now that I kinda have to do, it’s part of the healing process. Grateful for everyone I have around me, it helps me to get through this♡