Under 16 timmar av dygnet tanker jag pa dans, och ibland drommer jag om det ocksa. Den senaste tiden har jag mest tankt pa all dans och konst jag inte gillar, vilket i sin tur inte direkt hjalper mig och mitt skapande. Att bli inspirerad av saker man inte tycker ar bra, ar svart. Jag har inte sett en bra forestallning pa valdigt lange. Senaste var Sylvie Guillem pa Lincoln Center som min van Monika och jag var pa 2012. Det finns otroligt mycket dalig dans har i New York. Alla vill kalla sig dansare, alla slass om scenerna och de som faktiskt ar bra kommer i skymundan. Jag vet inte vart jag sjalv skulle hamna pa den skalan. Ar jag en av de basta eller ar jag samst? Eller annu varre, ar jag gomd nagonstans i mitten? Formodligen i mitten, dar hamnar de flesta. Jag har riktigt bra utbildningar i ryggsacken, men det garanterar mig ingenting. Jag ar dessutom en utlanning med erfarenheter som ingen vet nagot om.
New York ar staden dar allt ar mojligt, men det ar nog den svaraste platsen att forsoka gora sig ett namn. Jag trodde det skulle bli enkelt att flytta hit, men det har snarare gjort mig galen. Jag blir kvar har i NY i nagra ar till, for min man har ett bra jobb har, sa jag maste gora det basta av tiden. Det svaraste for mig att lista ut ar borjan. Hur kastar man sig ut i ett hav av hajar och overlever? Ska man borja med att simma? Ska man forsoka bli vanner forst? Eller finns det andra satt som ar battre?
Jag tanker alldeles for mycket.
During 16 hours of the day I think about dance, and sometimes I dream about it too. Lately, I have mostly thought about all the dance and art I do not like, which is then not directly helping me and my creative mind. To be inspired of things you don’t think is good, is hard. I have not seen a good performance in a very long time. The last one was Sylvie Guillem at Lincoln Center that my friend Monika and I went to 2012. There is a lot of really bad dance here in New York. Everybody wants to call themselves a dancer, everybody fights for the stages and those who actually are good are overshadowed. I don’t know where I would be on that scale myself. Am I one of the best or am I the worst? Or even worse, am I hidden somewhere in the middle? Probably in the middle, that’s where most people are. I have really good education in my backpack, but it doesn’t guarantee me anything. I’m also a foreigner with experiences noone knows anything about.
New York is the city where everything is possible, but it is probably the most difficult place to try to make a name. I thought it would be easy to move here, but it has rather made me crazy. I will be here in NY for some more years, because my husband has a good job here, so I have to do the best of the time. The hardest for me to figure out is the beginning. How do you throw yourself out in an ocean of sharks and survive? Should you start to swim? Should you try to become friends first? Or is there a way that is better?
I think way too much.
Thor out in the snowstorm called “Thor” last week
