February 15, 2019
(Picture from a different morning this week)
Jim gave me “nameday” flowers on the Swedish Fanny day the 9th:)
Jim brought Thor to work today. We have a three day weekend coming up so not much going on there today I guess. When they left this morning, I got dressed and walked over to Dunkin to get myself a coffee. Back at home I boiled some eggs and listened to a podcast. I have now spent some time responding to some longer messages I’ve got these days.
On February 1st and 2nd I wrote about finding out the sad news of our baby and getting it out. In the end of that second post I wrote that I needed to take a break (writing about it all is very hard as you can probably understand) and write the rest later. I realized yesterday when I published these posts that I never continue to write. So I will sit down now and continue to write the rest. The post will come up right after the last one (Feb 2). Writing about it helps me dealing with grief and I don’t mind doing it online.
I haven’t actually written anything about this in my regular journal yet. It’s still hard to write the word baby on actual paper. For some reason using an actual pen to write all this just makes it more real. I’m not denying it, I’m just choosing what ways I want to deal with it. That’s also why I needed some time off from everything. I needed to feel it on my own terms and not get reminded by internet that I was no longer pregnant (for example, all the ads popping up everywhere is baby related because that’s all I’ve been searching about the past three months…or actually, eight months). Maybe I write in my journal later today. Or, maybe I just print out what I’ve written here and tape that into my journal, haha.