February 13, 2019
This picture above of me and my husband was taken one early morning in the freezing cold Sweden in January.
Warning! This might be a sensitive subject to some…
When we were in Sweden in January, I entered week 11. It was early but we decided to announce our pregnancy to our families, because all my test results were perfect and we had heard a strong heartbeat the day before we left. We came back from our trip a week later on Friday January 25 and on Monday we went in for the big scan to see if our baby was ok. There it was, much bigger than last time we saw it on New Years Eve. And no heartbeat. They told us the baby seemed to have died a day or two before.
Two days later we were at the hospital. They put me to sleep, “vacuumed” the baby out and I woke up with a pregnant body but no baby.
These things happens all the time, we are not alone. I read somewhere that 1 in 4 women unfortunately experience one or more miscarriages. Not everyone goes as far as I did, but it’s still very common. And yet, people don’t talk openly about it. A miscarriage is nothing to feel ashamed of, it’s not a failure. It just didn’t work out this time.
Dear “Wiggly”, may you rest in peace ♥
I have written about our baby journey since we decided that it was time to start a family. Later today I will make them all public for you to read if you’d like. They are all under a new category called “Pregnancy“. The posts will however show up newest to oldest, so if you want to read them in order, you have to click NEXT til the end.
As you probably understand, this is the reason why I took two weeks off from everything. I have been allowing myself to just feel whatever I needed to feel. Jim and I are both sad of course, disappointed to not become parents this year but we were both pretty quick to accept it and I feel ok. I cry if I feel like I have to but I’m not forcing anything. Whatever emotions pops up, I just let it happen. But mostly, I’m ok. Really.
We have a follow up appointment next week and that’s when we are hoping to get the test results back. We already know why our baby died, but we are waiting for more details.
Please note; Because of my pregnancy story turning into a complete mystery and all that, I have now changed the category name to Partial Molar Pregnancy. There just isn’t enough info about this kind if pregnancy and I want women (and men) who might go through this as well to be able to read what my experience of all this was.