March 1, 2021
This weekend I had a dream that we are having a boy.
In first trimester I was sure of that it’s a girl, but it could maybe be based on that this pregnancy pretty much looked the same as the last one which we know was a girl. But then when I entered second trimester I was convinced that it’s a boy….until the kicks started. For some reason, still, every time baby moves I have a feeling it’s a girl. When baby is still, I think it’s a boy. So, it’s safe to say, I have no clue hahah.
Since I got pregnant I have been “asking” for a sign or a dream that will tell me what gender it is. Still wont know for sure until the birth day of baby of course haha but I want a clearer guess. On Sunday I woke up from dreaming that I was at the hospital, a nurse was holding up what could be my baby (there were plenty of people in that same room including newborn babies) and I saw a penis. So, I think we are having a boy.
I’m already a bit stressed about that we still don’t have a boy name. We have three alternatives now but we are not really into any of them.
And I hope that we are having a girl for the reason that I do not want to make a decision whether or not the baby should be circumcised.
I grew up in a country where boys are not circumcised unless it’s for religious reasons and even then people chose not to. But my husband grew up here, a country where boys are circumcised unless they have immigrant parents or chose not to for religious reasons. The arguments for why a boy should be circumcised is in my mind pure bullshit, there’s no real argument that makes sense. There are plenty of boys/men in this world who survives life without getting this done. The thought of having my boy go through a surgical incision as a newborn is breaking my heart. And he will have nothing to say about this, he has to just live with a decision that we will make for him. That’s not right.
I told my husband when we got pregnant the last time that he has to choose between a boy being circumcised or baby (regardless of gender) being baptized. I don’t want either because I don’t believe it’s up to us, our child should be able to chose for her-/himself. J wants the baby to be baptized in a church which I could have agreed on if it was for religious reasons, but it’s not, it’s out of traditions which to me doesn’t hold up, I don’t want my baby to be baptized unless the baby says she/he wants to be.
Back to the circumcision question. The decision has now more or less been put on me cause it seems like J will choose baby to be baptized. And I don’t know my answer. I don’t want my son to come ask me questions on why he looks different than his father, or wonder why the other boys are pointing and whispering in the locker room (kids are mean shitheads after all) or that he will be rejected by a girl or boy once he’s old enough to be intimate with someone (because again, people are dumb). I did not grow up here as a boy/man, but my husband did. But I know that I will never forgive myself if they have to cut a part of my baby off. Whoever or whatever that created the human body wasn’t planning for boys to get parts removed, that’s just stupid. And what if they screw it up, then I will hate myself forever. But if I say no, maybe the boy will end up hating me for it. When I think of this I start to cry, it hurts too much to think about. But I have to make a decision, time is running out.
So I hope it’s a girl for that reason and problem would be solved:) But, I think it’s a boy.
Hahaha, I love this picture of me and my fluffy boy