September 16, 2019
I don’t want to write more about this partial molar pregnancy story. It’s not fun for you to read, it’s not fun for me to write (and it’s definitely not fun to go through). But this is what my world has circled around this entire year. We are in the middle of September, I started this story in the end of January, I wish I was done.
But this is (maybe…who knows) my last update for awhile. I wrote in a previous post that I surrender, I will give in, let it sort itself out and just trust that it will be ok. Right after that, Jim spoke to his brother who works at the Cleveland Clinic. He had spoken to his boss. Long story short, R sent a link to an antibodies test order at Quest, after some back and forth problems with my doctor I finally got to do this test last week. This test could help figure out if my hcg level is a phantom or not = basically if I can be done with blood tests or not. So when Jim told me all this a few weeks ago I forgot about surrendering and got all my hopes up again….only to find out today that I do not have that antibody so it can not affect my level. Well…that sucks. Back to mystery.
Positive news I heard today from my doctor though is that since my level has stayed the same and on such low level long enough I can now start to go in for monthly tests instead of weekly. Don’t know for how long but I guess I have to start with 12 months. I’ve read somewhere during all my google searches these months that hcg can stay in your body for months but also for years, so who knows when I’ll be done.
So now I’m back to surrendering. There’s nothing I can do but to keep going in for monthly blood tests til whenever I end up on 0, if ever. Now all the worries of if it will develop into cancer or not is back, but I will try not to think about that. What I don’t know can’t hurt me.
To be honest, I don’t feel angry or frustrated about all this anymore, just sad. But I’ll work through it. It’s not the end of the world, I’m not dying and it could be so much worse. Have to be grateful for what I have and see what is positive in my life.