Nervous for nothing?

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May 20, 2019

On Thursday I took the train into Manhattan. I arrived at Grand Central and walked over to Dunkin Donuts on 2nd Ave. I have not been at that dunkin since we lived two blocks away from it back in 2013. On the train ride in I felt a little strange, I figured it was that I needed breakfast so I ordered a bagel with cream cheese and a small decaf coffee cause I was afraid that caffeine would make me feel even more strange. I wanted to sit in the Dag Hammarskjold park but there were some Asian thing going on. Yellow t-shirts, Asians all over the place, people speaking in microphones, a Swedish flag in the middle of the crowd (huh?) and a marching band playing. So instead I walked across the street to a tiny park where J and I have had many breakfasts at before. After awhile the park was filled with mini alcohol bottle drinking men and women and the park smelled like “funny smoke”. I now got a headache so I left. The Swedish Consulate was just around the corner, I was 25 minutes early but I didn’t mind. Getting a new passport was quick and easy. Now I have to wait two weeks and then go back in and pick it up.

I mentioned in a previous post that I was nervous for that appointment if I had to do the treatment and I thought about rescheduling. Nervous for the side effects. It kept me awake every night in Paris. What if I throw up on the train, what if I feel like absolute shit and have to take a photo at the consulate looking like crap, what if I get all the side effects there is and I just can’t get myself to Manhattan what would happen to my passport then? What if, what if, what if… And then the nurse at the ER told me that I probably wouldn’t get any side effect at all and I was more calm on Thursday. So I guess I freaked out for nothing. But I have never had chemotherapy before. Just because I’ve never been allergic to any medicines and stuff in the past doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be affected by the chemo. 

I felt mostly fine and I ended up having an amazing day to myself in the city. After the appointment, I walked up town, got a latte at a Parisian place (I wasn’t ready to let go of Paris yet I guess) and then walked to Central Park. Eventually I found myself a spot on the grass where I could enjoy my coffee and read my book. After a little while I decided to walk through the park to midtown, buy a make-your-own salad and walk down to Bryant Park. I probably looked like a lunatic on Fifth Avenue when I tried to walk close to the wall of the buildings and hide from the sun. It was soooo hot out and the sun was strong, but after the treatment I can’t really be in the sun (my cells was killed so my skin had no protection) so I didn’t want to take my sweater off and I had forgot my sunscreen. Bryant Park was PACKED! People walking in circles trying to find one chair or a spot to sit on. I decided to walk to Grand Central, take the next train back and eat part of the salad on the train instead. I was home by 2pm. 

6:30 am this morning I had another blood test done. Waiting for the results and tomorrow afternoon we have an appointment with our doctor. Hopefully I won’t need another treatment. 

The building inspired by a trashcan 

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